Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
