youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
