You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
