I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
