I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
