i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Randomize
