turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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