I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
