So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
zippers are such a cool invention
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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