Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
