I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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