All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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