i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
