hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
