You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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