Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
