did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
