I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Congratulations! We have a period
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
