was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
