I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
