my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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