This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What a dumb baby whore.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
