my mouth tastes like poor choices
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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