new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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