No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
