We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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