Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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