I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
