stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
