You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
