I wish I only lived at night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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