mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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