I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
