today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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