Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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