Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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