i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
