Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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