Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
