I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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