i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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