in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
