Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
