Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
