Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
