Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
