She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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