You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
