my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
