The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Slut skills are useful in every country.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
