Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
