Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
