OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
