frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
