but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
