The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
