walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
