The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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