Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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