jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
