I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
