So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
