First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
