I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
