i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
