I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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