i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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