I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
