I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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