this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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