why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
