At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
