you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
