So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize