idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
